I had a lot of time to wait, sit and think over the Christmas holidays. Truly, life is all about the waiting. I found myself in places I didn't choose. Situations out of my control. Freeing? Yes. The nursing home, the hospital, in the car etc... Often, I was helping sign papers for my aunt who has chosen a life of depression and lost the will-to-live. I became friends with the nurses and had an enjoyable experience. Still, it was sad that a person can choose a life of isolation by consistently shutting people out over time, to the point of a hospital bed. In life, we choose our course depending on how we view Christ's love for us and how we define true freedom. She is now choosing a life of bondage and entitlement, not a life of gratitude.
I am tired of seeing people not become fully themselves. As humans we are constantly surrounded by people suffering and in grief. I am bombarded with people around me who are checking into hospitals, blaming others and surrounding themselves with people who are completely self-centered. People not taking 100% responsibility for their own decisions, and feeling entitled to everything. When we are let down, we want to blame someone else. Playing the victim, again. What happens? Confusion. The exact thing God is asking us to FLEE from, and the only thing the devil wants to feed! We are always giving less than our best because of the confusion we feed. Often played out in the physical form of laundry lists, grocery lists, video games, drugs, stress, music and more. It's our "just give me something to do," mentality. "Give me anything to take away these voices." Then, it occurred to me, THE LONGER MY LIST, THE LESS MY TRUST IN GOD." It's hard to just sit and be isn't it? It's hard to just be loved sometimes? To believe that when we grieve, Jesus did too...
"God sent Jesus to join the human experience, which means to make a lot of mistakes. Jesus didn't arrive here knowing how to walk. He had fingers and toes, confusion, sexual feelings, crazy human internal processes. He had the same prejudices as the rest of his tribe: he had to learn that the Canaanite woman was a person. He had to suffer the hardships and tedium and setbacks of being a regular person. If he hadn't the incarnation would mean nothing."
Do you believe that Jesus came to join with us? Do you believe he came and experienced grief, sitting, waiting, thinking, reading, writing, feeling, eating, throw-up, cried, sneezed, stumbled, told jokes and laughed? Do you also believe He came to give life, true freedom and genuine love? Do you believe He suffered with us in our weakness? So much so, that we don't have to blame others? Do you believe He wants so badly your heart that he suffered? Do you believe he loves so deeply, He grieves still? The more we believe in this power... the more we are free, and grateful to be truly ourselves in Him.
"You were loved because God loves, period. God loved you, and everyone, not because you believed in certain things, but because you were a mess, and lonely, and His or Her child. God loved you no matter how crazy you felt on the inside, no matter what a fake you were; always, even in your current condition, even before coffee. God loves you crazily, like I love you...like a slightly overweight auntie, who sees only your marvelousness and need."
I don't ever want to find myself in a place where I'm in a nursing home at a young age, blaming others. The secret to freedom and truly living in Christ is a heart of gratefulness. Out of a heart of gratitude flows the joy of life.
To steal from Anne Lamott, "Gratitude, not understanding, it's the secret to joy and equanimity".
What kind of Jesus do you believe in today? A Jesus who hears and suffers still with us, that nothing else matters? Do you believe in a Jesus of grace, grace, grace? Or, do you believe in a Jesus who demands rules, regulations and bondage? Who demands a checklist and a certain way to do things? Where do you want to be in 20 years? What choices are leading you to live a full life of love for others and complete joy in today? What choices are you making towards community, life and freedom? When your life is over, can you honestly say you were free? Be IN-COURAGED!!
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