Saturday, May 7, 2011

Hearts Falling Apart

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more
knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes 1:18

Many of you have been asking what I've been up to.
Well, I have news. I'm still alive, healed and well.

Today I rode a boda (motorbike) to an orphan home.
It is a Tuesday afternoon, as I approach the room packed with beautiful mahogany children laying on cold floors and fighting over the same bowl of Poscho and beans. I gulp and cannot take it in. The children all hug and hold my hands. I think for a minute where those hands have been, then ask for forgiveness. I know they haven't washed their hands; ever. I don't care. I notice one child has no clothes. He is dirty and laying on the floor. I pick him up. I hold him. My heart begins falling apart. This is a good thing as my soul bursts with love for these ones. Despite the fact that I have no money on me, I don't care. I do have LOVE. I do know the only One who is love. We start to sing, dance and praise God. You ask me why I love Africa? The children sitting on my lap. It is hard, gross and yucky at times. Half of them have a bad cough and 3 are HIV positive. It is always difficult to see, but God is stronger than me. How is it these children still smile? Sing? We all dance, and hope in a God that goes beyond enough food to eat. We have love.

So, here I am. Sitting down on a rock, just loving children. Is this reality? Is this my life Lord? Sitting down = ministry at times. This goes beyond all my debates and theology books I read in college. Beyond all the hours of discussion on the "philosophy of ministry." It is real. Today, is the praxis of the ministry of being not doing. Inside I am in awe of Christ. My spirit is bubbling and I cannot take it in. I'm not supposed to. The Lord has given me joy despite my sleepy eyes, and no energy right now. Yet, somehow we still dance. I shed a tear, and wipe it away. Riding away, I turn and glimpse a tear in a little girls eyes. What can I give her? Truth. Thats it. I tell her how much God loves her, values her and thinks she is extremely beautiful. I asked her if she believes she is beautiful. Through tears, she says "no, I'm only an orphan." I assure her she is, and she lights up. We talk about her worth, value and redemption. I want to make her see how beautiful she is. But that is God's job. A few hours later, she comes running, and I see that she knows. Yet, still I cannot give her anything physical right now. I pray. I pray to God who sees and cares more for the sparrow than I. For I, cannot care for the sparrow. How am I supposed to care for these little ones?

Then, I'm reminded by my own mother... "Life is all about saying good-bye, and again and again and again..." "For the rest of your life, you will be saying goodbye to your children and having to let them go." Then for a moment I think how much better saying "Hello" in heaven will be. I'm reminded of letting go of control. I'm reminded that life is a journey where we, (as mothers and fathers) must daily give our children up and let them go; for the rest of our lives. It hurts. God, is bigger than that pain. He comforts me as I know they will be taken care of by Him. I know that my calling is to be a part in the religion of Christ... "Religion that our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I believe this is all our callings. It is not we that do it but Christ. In our weakness He is able to become the "Defender of the fatherless, giving food and clothing." - We get the joy to participate!

Precious and Emmanual Moses

You don't have to be in Africa to do ministry. It starts now. Today. People ask me all the time how? Here is how...

For starters... if you are nurse, provide free medical care at your local salvation army. Help the homeless at the soup kitchen. Give your clothes and things away. Form a craft time at your local inner city school. Lets fulfill the scriptures together. Give free massages. Donate to amazing organization on the ground. Start a bible study in your living room. Use your skills to give free piano lessons to the boy down the street. Give free cooking classes once a week. Care for those in rehab or prison. Get to know the single mothers in your community. Have a coffee date... and listen this time. Go deliver cookies at your nursing home. It takes one hour to make cookies! Wash your neighbors car. The bible mentions the word "poor" around 205 times, which mean God really does want us to care.

Whatever you do, listen to God's call, and go where He says. Take advice from piers, but don't listen too much to their opinion. Only God's matters.

"He hears the cries of the orphan." - Exodus 22.

My heart is falling apart. My heart is breaking for what breaks the fathers heart.... and it feels amazing. Then, He puts it back together... slowly. What areas of your life are you allowing God to break our heart? Is it going deep? It did for me today.

Love, Truth and Joy to all of you back home!!