Miracles In The Dust or, "The Little Princess"

Once upon a time, there lived a princess. She wore a beautiful dress, and had a smile that shone from ear to ear. Every time one held her, she would gently rest her shoulder on yours in innocent comfort. Growing up, she was not held much at all, and because of this, she was in a ‘hug-deficit.’ Her parents died at a very young age, and she was left with a brother to care for. A little prince. Her skin is a light brown color, which contrasted perfectly with the color of her heart: a bright and pure-white! This little girl was smart, although there were many things she did not know. She did not know, that she was infected with HIV. She did not know that she was malnourished. She did not know that should be taking medication daily, and that she needed it soon. She did not know she was feeling sick, and this is why she was always tired. She always rested her head softly on my shoulder, although she did not even know how love-deprived she actually is.

This little girl is a gift.

Many times in our lives, we are not looking for miracles. Days we are doing mundane things, miracles seem dim and unreachable. How often are we looking for miracles in our daily lives? Often, miracles happen right in front of us, and we miss them because we are not looking. Miracles are everywhere, and they are not luck, they are gifts! Miracles are the people right in front of you. Who is in front of you today?

This little girl is a miracle.

Miracles are often defined with “BIG-attitude-mentality”, yet at times they are smaller, and much sweeter than we realize. They are often small moments that cause us to feel that...‘hmmmm!’ Sometimes, they cause us to ponder for a split second and realize how beautiful love is. Are we searching? This week, this princess is my little miracle.

This little girl currently lives in a village called “Bakka.” She is 2 years old, and is HIV+. She is extremely malnourished, and very weak. Yet, her spirit is strong. Her physical body is hard for us to see, but I believe there is hope.

This little girl is a princess.

Please pray for my little princess, as we try to get her help and treatment this week. Please pray for her heart to know Jesus' love. Let's help this little miracle have her own miracle!!

"Little Justina"

MARK 11:24 - Listen to me. You can pray for anything. If you believe, you have it. It's yours.

Towards A Deeper Sense Of Love

1st Timothy 1:5 - “The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”


As a child I haunted the local library in our small town. I would sit for hours and scroll through books with brilliant themes: adventure, intrigue, romance, hope, fear and suffering. These stories always left deep impressions on me. The stories were usually centered around children who needed help and hope for their future. Usually the stories ended well. Most of the time they ended at home, safely in bed. These children would go to sleep with a deep sense of knowing, and an even deeper sense of love, as they drifted off to read their own adventure stories.

For most children in Uganda, this is not the plot or storyline. They sleep crowded on cold concrete floors, covered by small moldy blankets. Nights are cold, and so they are forced together to avoid the weather outside. Many times they get sick because of the crowded spaces as well as their own ignorance of hygiene. They are not the children in the books I used to read. They do not have a balanced story or happy ending, and definitely not a balanced diet. Their story does not include intrigue, genuine romance, or adventures in the forest. Mostly they are fearful of the night. They suffer from hunger, and are forced to risk their lives on the streets, just for a little cash.

For as long I can remember, I have always had a deep sense of love. From wonderful parents, amazing support, incredible friends and (oh yeah) an even better God. Recently this understanding has been even more apparent as I think about the questions asked of me, “why do you do what you do?” Apart from the age old answer, “my faith,” there IS IN FACT a deep sense of love I feel. Many do not have this, and it is injustice. The real reason behind what I do, is because I understand true love. I have always felt a “safe place,” with that deeper knowledge of love. I sensed it and felt it from day one. I often become so overwhelmed I get teary-eyed with gratitude. I never had to prove myself worthy, good or beautiful. All I had to do was be born. When a baby is born they are loved immediately . No good deeds, just crying and poop.

To believe in a deeper sense of love is exactly what I desire to people everywhere believe, and right now God has me in Uganda. So, to believe in a deeper sense of love is exactly what I desire this nation to CLAIM!!

I desire each one believes in love so much, that their little hearts burst with joy. Uncontrollable joy! My hope is that, at the end of the day they can trust they are understood as they go to bed safely-loved. They will know deep in their soul that the love they feel is real. Love that is much deeper than any social structure or abusive relationship can offer. My prayer for each one is that they will know how loved they are. I hope their story will incorporate adventure, hope, joy, beauty and love.

Suffering is always a factor, so my hope is a deeper sense of love becomes a lifestyle through hard times.

To believe in a deeper sense of love.

To believe in a deeper sense of love... in God.

Today In The Slums, I Stepped Over A Shoe...

... Today I stepped over a shoe. It was not any shoe. It was about a 7/ 1/2 U.S. size. It was covered in mud. feces and most likely some sort of disease. I thought for a moment about this shoe, and where it came from. Who owned it? How long had it been lying there? How did it end up in such a place? What did it do to deserve this life? Then I came back to earth.

Why am I thinking about this shoe? I should be asking similar questions about the child I'm currently hugging.

I am hugging the neck of a young boy in the largest slum in Uganda. Approximately 20,000 people squaller in existence, if you can call it that... The slum is located in Kampala, the capital of this bueatiful country. Despite it's many lovely places, Uganda's darkest side are it's slums. Full of large black fire-pits, gasoline, glue, urine, feces, chickens and a whole number of other atrocities. I should be passing out.

Life for a child in the slums is filled with excitement. They wake up at the crack of dawn after little-to-no sleep. To sleep means to get robbed or abused. There are two sets of street children in Uganda. One set sells scrap metal or bottles, and purchases a "safe-place" in video shop for sleeping during the day to avoid abuse or worst. Another set smells toxic gasoline on a tattered cloth all day, then gets so high that he passes out, only to wake up and do that again. So yes, life is super exciting.

As I hug this scrawny little neck, I cannot help but feel how Jesus' heart is aching. I know that this precious little one is loved beyond any controlling slum in this world. His heart is confused, yet he does not know it. 'How do I live without this glue in my hand or defense in my heart?' He thinks.

Jesus is bigger than this.

I am encouraged to pray for eyes to be open to truth. That blind scales on the eyes of his heart would fall off and he would ONLY see light. I pray that the light he would see would be that he is a precious child of God, and innocent. That nothing he has done in his life would separate him from this love. That he needs nothing but God to make him whole. Nothing but God.

I pray that soon he will know he is not worthy of being trampled over or stepped on. I hope he will know soon he is a child of the king, worthy only of love.

I cannot give him food today, for if he has a full stomach and empty soul, what good does it do?

What I can give him is much greater.

Jesus is bigger than any slum.

24 Years and 24 Days

Dear Friends and Fellow Missionaries,

I write this to you with mixed emotions. There are several reasons for this:

1) Life flies!!

2) The call is bigger

3) Africa is who I am today...

For the past 2 years I’ve worked, learned, and grown alongside Orphan Relief and Rescue. It’s been a great experience, and during my time with ORR the Lord confirmed to me that Africa is still very much a part of my future. For the past few months, I have been in a place of constant prayer and discernment about the next step. Seeking, looking, hoping and resting. Life Flies!!

I knew God still wanted me in Africa, so I began seek where He called. I traveled to Uganda, where I began to understand what it means to be “called.” When I returned to the U.S., I was tempted to run the race of a good “normal” life: to get a full-time job, live in the States, settle down. But... The call is bigger.

Through discernment, prayer, faith and sheer craziness, I have chosen to travel again to Uganda, seeking to follow this call. When I was there, what I felt in my heart was absolutely unbelievable and indescribable. I knew this place was a calling. "Calling" is an interesting word; one I've personally struggled with for quite some time. I have always felt a deep burden for Africa and feel very much at home there. Os Guinness writes it this way, “...the main way to discover calling is along the line of what we are each created and gifted to be. Instead of, 'You are what you do,' calling says, 'Do what you are.'" Africa is in my heart and this is where I am today.

It would be wrong for me not to listen.

I am asking you to pray for me and to pray about supporting me in this next big step! It is a joyous time and I’m excited to see God work. I am partnering with an organization called Show Mercy International. I will be working for 70 days starting October 1st and will work in “Hope Children's Home.” This is a home to more than 100 children. I will also help to build the “Field of Dreams,” which is a 25 acre plot of land designated for ministry (a school, a clinic and a church).

My goal is to return to my family for Christmas, then choose to make a longer-term commitment in Uganda after the new year.

I still have approximately $2000 to raise, and would love your help in any way.

Here is a link where donations can be made towards Uganda. You can use the drop down box to find my name.

http://www.showmercy.org/donate/index.php?productID=421

You can also mail checks with a note including my name (not written on the check) designating it for my trip with SMI.

I Leave in 24 days!!

With Joy,

Davy Desmond

Keep On

Be encouraged! I wrote this late last night dreaming of Africa.

Keep on friends. Let's fight for injustice today. If you cannot get up, fight with words.

Keep On

Short of breathe

We move aside the cutting wind.

We run for hope in spite of it.

We are the color of freedom.

Lost in love

When hope deferred

Makes life seem dim, we sing.

We are the notes in song.

Angry at future's voice

Racing for only one touch.

We pursue today for glorious bliss

Longing for justice in the dust.

Where is love when doubt is here?

Like air our faith is blind.

When babies cry, and mothers leave,

Over rubble and clay they scream for us.

The mess we make, and the wars we play...

Today, we must fight for truth and love,

In speaking, seeking more.

For higher things than worldly dreams,

We enter heavens door.

Despite the doubt, we run for more.

We fight through broken muscles and tattered scars...

We sore. We sing. We paint. We dance. We run. We love.

Keep on mother, father, sister, brother, friend, lover, child.

Keep on.

- Davy Desmond

Love, Davy

Today Is The Day...

... To do something with your one wild and precious life. And so, I did. Here is a day in the life of Davy Nicole. I hope you will all be inspired to get out there and do something! :)

... To be joyful...





To smell the flowers in your backyard!










To Gear Up...















To Escape...

To Eagle Landing Park.

Avoid biking on the trail...

To make sure you take a good Asian picture of the doggy litter sign...

To climb down 264 stairs, and then back up...

To wade in the wild waters...

To make new friends...

Eat something delicious...

Time to make homemade Nutella!!

Boil 1/2 cup sugar and 1/4 cup water...

Toast the nuts on a lined pan at 350 degrees for about 15 minutes... Remove the black shells by rubbing the cooled hazelnuts with a paper towel or cloth. (some skins are ok)...

Put them in the grinder with the sugar water or carmel if it caramelized its ok.

Start the engine...

Add 1/2 tsp. Vanilla and 1/2 Tsp. salt...

While you're waiting clean something out.... (Spice cabinet needed help).

Play the piano while waiting for the toasting goodness.

Do a little exercise before inserting way more calories than you burn in your body...

Time for testing and eating... :)

Time for Jaring...

A visit from my dear friend Timmy. At this point I decide he looks like he is depleted of valuable electrolytes. The kind that are only found in the nastiest beer in your fridge. It works every time for the purification of your house and helping energize your friends. ;)

Discuss mundanely important topics in my kitchen...

This is the point where I zone out and begin dreaming of Africa!!

After a while it's time to attend the neighborhood block party. And yes, I ate too much.

I have amazing neighbors.

Smiles!!

The firemen visit us ( and eat our food ) ...

As the sun goes down, we decide that shuffle board is in rout.

So... we head down to our local brewery for a nice game and fun times.

I lose.

What. A. Day.

It is time to wrap it up and pray I sleep like this baby...

And THAT is how you make a normal day amazing!!

Give thanks for this is the day the Lord has made! I WILL rejoice!

Love and Hope, Davy Nicole

Hearts Falling Apart

For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more
knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes 1:18

Many of you have been asking what I've been up to.
Well, I have news. I'm still alive, healed and well.

Today I rode a boda (motorbike) to an orphan home.
It is a Tuesday afternoon, as I approach the room packed with beautiful mahogany children laying on cold floors and fighting over the same bowl of Poscho and beans. I gulp and cannot take it in. The children all hug and hold my hands. I think for a minute where those hands have been, then ask for forgiveness. I know they haven't washed their hands; ever. I don't care. I notice one child has no clothes. He is dirty and laying on the floor. I pick him up. I hold him. My heart begins falling apart. This is a good thing as my soul bursts with love for these ones. Despite the fact that I have no money on me, I don't care. I do have LOVE. I do know the only One who is love. We start to sing, dance and praise God. You ask me why I love Africa? The children sitting on my lap. It is hard, gross and yucky at times. Half of them have a bad cough and 3 are HIV positive. It is always difficult to see, but God is stronger than me. How is it these children still smile? Sing? We all dance, and hope in a God that goes beyond enough food to eat. We have love.



So, here I am. Sitting down on a rock, just loving children. Is this reality? Is this my life Lord? Sitting down = ministry at times. This goes beyond all my debates and theology books I read in college. Beyond all the hours of discussion on the "philosophy of ministry." It is real. Today, is the praxis of the ministry of being not doing. Inside I am in awe of Christ. My spirit is bubbling and I cannot take it in. I'm not supposed to. The Lord has given me joy despite my sleepy eyes, and no energy right now. Yet, somehow we still dance. I shed a tear, and wipe it away. Riding away, I turn and glimpse a tear in a little girls eyes. What can I give her? Truth. Thats it. I tell her how much God loves her, values her and thinks she is extremely beautiful. I asked her if she believes she is beautiful. Through tears, she says "no, I'm only an orphan." I assure her she is, and she lights up. We talk about her worth, value and redemption. I want to make her see how beautiful she is. But that is God's job. A few hours later, she comes running, and I see that she knows. Yet, still I cannot give her anything physical right now. I pray. I pray to God who sees and cares more for the sparrow than I. For I, cannot care for the sparrow. How am I supposed to care for these little ones?



Then, I'm reminded by my own mother... "Life is all about saying good-bye, and again and again and again..." "For the rest of your life, you will be saying goodbye to your children and having to let them go." Then for a moment I think how much better saying "Hello" in heaven will be. I'm reminded of letting go of control. I'm reminded that life is a journey where we, (as mothers and fathers) must daily give our children up and let them go; for the rest of our lives. It hurts. God, is bigger than that pain. He comforts me as I know they will be taken care of by Him. I know that my calling is to be a part in the religion of Christ... "Religion that our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I believe this is all our callings. It is not we that do it but Christ. In our weakness He is able to become the "Defender of the fatherless, giving food and clothing." - We get the joy to participate!


Precious and Emmanual Moses

You don't have to be in Africa to do ministry. It starts now. Today. People ask me all the time how? Here is how...

For starters... if you are nurse, provide free medical care at your local salvation army. Help the homeless at the soup kitchen. Give your clothes and things away. Form a craft time at your local inner city school. Lets fulfill the scriptures together. Give free massages. Donate to amazing organization on the ground. Start a bible study in your living room. Use your skills to give free piano lessons to the boy down the street. Give free cooking classes once a week. Care for those in rehab or prison. Get to know the single mothers in your community. Have a coffee date... and listen this time. Go deliver cookies at your nursing home. It takes one hour to make cookies! Wash your neighbors car. The bible mentions the word "poor" around 205 times, which mean God really does want us to care.

Whatever you do, listen to God's call, and go where He says. Take advice from piers, but don't listen too much to their opinion. Only God's matters.


"He hears the cries of the orphan." - Exodus 22.

My heart is falling apart. My heart is breaking for what breaks the fathers heart.... and it feels amazing. Then, He puts it back together... slowly. What areas of your life are you allowing God to break our heart? Is it going deep? It did for me today.

Love, Truth and Joy to all of you back home!!

When You're In Liberia You...

... eat pineapple with dinner every night. Walk by the sea daily. Swim in the ocean. Hear the beat of drums and church music in the morning. Walk through overcrowded, smelly markets. Allow children the opportunity to never let me forget my gender and how "white" I really am. Ride over bumpy roads and pray for traffic to be "ok." Play lazy dominoes on Sunday. Sing "hallelujah" over and over. Play with kids who don't have anyone to play with. Enjoy deep conversation over steaming pots of french press. Pick up sea-shells with random folks. Go for morning runs. Eat Debbie's amazing popcorn... (only she is allowed to make). Spend quality time with God. Play with our dog "One-Love." Say sorry-o to a random man from "Sierra-Leone" confessing undying love and tell me "You don't understand, you are just too white to understand my love." Yeah. Write and read all about the wonders of God's nature. Teach kid's how to draw, paint and use their 'creative-side.' SWEAT-A-LOT. Take cold showers. Bucket flush. Dream about future business opportunities with amazing orphan directors. Feel your daddy's presence as He pours out His love on you, then go out and help kids see the same! Life is truly amazing here in Liberia.

I'm one month in, and It's been a delightful journey! It has been full of consistent surrendering, learning, loving, eating, enjoying, laughing and hoping for God's BIG DREAM to be revealed more in every person I meet. I'm excited for the next month to begin! Thanks for all your prayers and love friends. I cannot begin to say how I know they are working and heavily "felt." I be-missin'-you all!

Little Inspirations Of Home

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33

Today I had a rough day. The usual reasons my heart tricks me into thinking I am having a "rough day." I begin to think about my self for a moment and realize that moment was too long. I’m thinking about my own unhappiness, mis-contented spirit. Thinking about thinking about why I'm not constantly in a good mood and I’m stuck down here playing this waiting game. Thinking about thinking about why I need to glorify God or please Him. And round and round it goes until my head pops off with the loudness of a helium balloon!

...Until I think about heaven. The real journey. When I think about the God’s Home, my heart is lifted, spirit renewed and hope restored. There must be reasons why Jesus asks us to pray like “on earth as it is in heaven.” The question is what aspects about heaven do we lack down here? What do you think of when you think of heaven?

Although there are many strains of thought regarding heaven, I will focus on 2:

1) "Heaven sounds tiring. I will be getting all exhausted by worshiping God all the time. What person wants to spend all their time doing that? Standing around in a big mosh-pit and jumping up and down! Besides, I like other things like surfing, eating, walking and dancing. I can't just stand around singing with a bunch of other sweaty people!"

2) "Heaven sounds amazing because of the cultures that are present. The accumulation of joy and love together worshiping God! How Rad!"

I am here to propose the latter.

What if heaven is an accumulation of all the things God asks of us in the Bible coming together for a massive party? I envision children dancing, massive laughter with uncontrollable joy, What if it's that mountain-top experience we all long for and rarely get in this life comes to a point? What if the fruits of the spirit are actually in complete wholeness? Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness and Self-Control finally make sense? What if this is our missing picture of love? What if heaven marries every creative cell in all humans together to finish this piece of real art? The great mural. What if your gifts of dance, art, intelligence, desire, gardening, sewing, mathematics, voice and baking all combine to take care of the "family?" In the end, the beautiful part makes a worshipful sound and a symphony we cannot handle, because God's AWE-someness is BIG! What if every creature truly thinks of the other for once. What if every creature has no walls? We truly believe in love and believe others love for us is real, with full belief and acceptance. Our naked bodies finally makes sense! We are truly free now to "BE" and not "DO." We can believe in love, because, we are in TRUE LOVE'S presence.

Then it hits me again... I'm hungry and it's time to go home. Time to be human, and hope to bring this joy to earth while I have time. Time for me to I focus on 'you,' and not 'me.' But mostly, I will focus on Him. See you after I fix my earthly stomach with some hummus and chips. Next time you start thinking, just think about heaven. It makes your day better. It works mostly ever time! Can't wait to spend eternity with you in our real home!

Is This Question Valid?

This morning I woke up to the sound of the waves beating the sand, a man playing a game with a dog, laughing children, excessive honking, all kinds of birds, crickets, a fighting couple, thatching of wheat, the smell of coffee and french toast, scuffling feet heading to school. I sit up and it hits me...

Is this is reality?
Is this true?
Is this AFRICA?

Flash back two years ago to February 2009. My face squinted with cold fear as I scurried out the door, stuffing a scone down my face in Portland, Oregon. All the while praying my burning little legs would work fast enough to haul me to class on time. When I say “on time,” I literally mean on time. One minute late and I would be docked down a whole grade.

Is this beneficial?
Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?
Is this going to be helpful for my future?

Fast forward to February 2011, as I ride, once again for the first time into an oddly familiar scene. An orphanage in Liberia, West Africa. I’m surrounded by little hands touching my “fine fine hair,” and smiling at my stupid flower tattoo. I think how blessed I am that I am actually here and try to hold back tears! I cannot believe how amazing life is. I have the opportunity to hang out with children, invest in orphan directors lives and to work with some of the best people in the world.

PLEASE don’t get me wrong. This is not going to be easy. I ask daily for God to reveal more truths about His great kingdom plan for Liberia and the kids. I expect the days of inconvenience, lots of spiritual buffing, and unexpected situations. Tons of thoughts and often some insecurities too, are running through my head like a whirlwind...

Will I do a good job?
Will I be able to make a difference Lord for you?
Will I glorify You with all I have in my time here?

As I am embarking on this journey for the next months, I would have to say I’m ready as I’ll ever be. I’m completely sold out for whatever God has, and honestly hoping for the wisdom of His love to teach me more than I have ever known.

The point I’m making is this: SEVERAL times in life we find ourselves in places we have no control over and we may never know the answer to our “whys” in our physical life on earth. We might find ourself in school, working in the U.S., saving the dying in hospice centers, playing music in a bar, gardening, serving at a restaurant, staying at home with the kids, cooking in the kitchen etc...

When we find ourselves moving to other continents, or staying home, remember time moves quickly. Your questions are humanly valid in ever sense of the "question," and God knows your heart. He is faithful to allow ambiguity in them and always answers, just not in the way we want them or expect them. In all circumstances God is faithful. I may never really “KNOW, KNOW,” the answer these questions... But, it doesn’t matter. God knows the heart. So, next time you find yourself questioning a lot, Stop. Think about those questions through the lens of Christ’s love for you and creation.

No matter where you are, what you’re doing, do it all for His glory and the questions grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and praise. Give them to Him, and that makes all the difference. :)

Your questions are valid. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. - 1 Cor 1:9
Excuse me while I go listen to "Blessed Be Your Name..."

Until The Next Question...

Are You Conquering Your "Giant-Horses" ??

I grew up in a small area in the south. The town consisted of full-time hicks, trucks, one blinking red light, the local diner and scattered oil-wells. I was always afraid of the oil-wells. I was sure they were giant horses that wanted to eat me. I was extremely frightened of getting anywhere near their radius. My stomach fed my veins with butterflies as the fear consumed my cells. As I grew a little older, I realized, I had to conquer my fear of the “giant-horse”. I did this with my dreamer’s glare. My eyes would kill them. Through the window I would pierce my gaze into their crooked, evil arthritic necks. If I did this long enough, they would become so afraid that they had no choice but to suck up every last drop of oil out of the ground and die a death of exhaustion. Little did I know, that if my evil tactic actually worked, I would royally have screwed over the entire small economy where I lived. If my superpowers rang true, I would force farmers and their families in poverty!

To be brutally honest, as an adult I often wished my eye’s had worked on this oil-town, as I thought back on how miserable the legalistic views are. Forgive me for my attitude. (Truly wasn't that bad)... Often, I referred to this place as hell-town. (Sorry i digress...) One thing this big sarcastic imagination of mine did help with, is my perception of fear in my own life. If I am ever afraid of something, I think back on these childish day-dreams. I use the glare of death as my allegory for destroying any temptation in my path of true-self discovery.

Conquering fear is one of the most important things in our lives. Often the monster appears in a very idealistic way, and we realize there was nothing to fear at all, but our own imagination. It is the killer of joy, life and love. Fear slowly kills us. Fear keeps us from truly living. It is constantly lurking to enter in our souls, and must be mastered. How are you conquering fear in your life today? Do you want to die and early death?

If your eyes do it for you, then use them. If going for a walk is your oasis, then get out of the house! If reading is the key, run towards it. If God is your alibi, pray. What is your strategy for killing the fear in your own life today?

Is Your Fear Killing Your True Reality?

I grew up in a small area in the south. The town consisted of full-time hicks, trucks, one blinking red light, the local diner and scattered oil-wells. I was always afraid of the oil-wells. I was sure they were giant horses that wanted to eat me. I was extremely frightened of getting anywhere near their radius. My stomach fed my veins with butterflies as the fear consumed my cells. As I grew a little older, I realized, I had to conquer my fear of the “giant-horse”. I did this with my dreamer’s glare. My eyes would kill them. Through the window I would pierce my gaze into their crooked, evil arthritic necks. If I did this long enough, they would become so afraid that they had no choice but to suck up every last drop of oil out of the ground and die a death of exhaustion. Little did I know, that if my evil tactic actually worked, I would royally have screwed over the entire small economy where I lived. If my superpowers rang true, I would force farmers and their families in poverty!

As an adult I often wished my eye’s had worked on this oil-town, as I thought back on how miserable the legalistic pigs were. Often, I referred to this place as hell-town. One thing this imagination did help me with, is the allegory of fear. If I am ever afraid of something, I think back on these childish day-dreams. I use the glare of death as my allegory for destroying any temptation in my path of true-self discovery.

Conquering fear is one of the most important things in our lives. Often the monster appears in a very idealistic way, and we realize there was nothing to fear at all, but our own imagination. It is the killer of joy, life and love. Fear slowly kills us. Fear keeps us from truly living. It is constantly lurking to enter in our souls, and must be mastered. How are you conquering fear in your life today? Do you want to die and early death?

If your eyes do it for you, then use them. If going for a walk is your oasis, then get out of the house! If reading is the key, run towards it. If God is your alibi, pray. What is your strategy for killing the fear in your own life today?

If you want you will suffer, if you love you will grieve.

I had a lot of time to wait, sit and think over the Christmas holidays. Truly, life is all about the waiting. I found myself in places I didn't choose. Situations out of my control. Freeing? Yes. The nursing home, the hospital, in the car etc... Often, I was helping sign papers for my aunt who has chosen a life of depression and lost the will-to-live. I became friends with the nurses and had an enjoyable experience. Still, it was sad that a person can choose a life of isolation by consistently shutting people out over time, to the point of a hospital bed. In life, we choose our course depending on how we view Christ's love for us and how we define true freedom. She is now choosing a life of bondage and entitlement, not a life of gratitude.

I am tired of seeing people not become fully themselves. As humans we are constantly surrounded by people suffering and in grief. I am bombarded with people around me who are checking into hospitals, blaming others and surrounding themselves with people who are completely self-centered. People not taking 100% responsibility for their own decisions, and feeling entitled to everything. When we are let down, we want to blame someone else. Playing the victim, again. What happens? Confusion. The exact thing God is asking us to FLEE from, and the only thing the devil wants to feed! We are always giving less than our best because of the confusion we feed. Often played out in the physical form of laundry lists, grocery lists, video games, drugs, stress, music and more. It's our "just give me something to do," mentality. "Give me anything to take away these voices." Then, it occurred to me, THE LONGER MY LIST, THE LESS MY TRUST IN GOD." It's hard to just sit and be isn't it? It's hard to just be loved sometimes? To believe that when we grieve, Jesus did too...

"God sent Jesus to join the human experience, which means to make a lot of mistakes. Jesus didn't arrive here knowing how to walk. He had fingers and toes, confusion, sexual feelings, crazy human internal processes. He had the same prejudices as the rest of his tribe: he had to learn that the Canaanite woman was a person. He had to suffer the hardships and tedium and setbacks of being a regular person. If he hadn't the incarnation would mean nothing."

Do you believe that Jesus came to join with us? Do you believe he came and experienced grief, sitting, waiting, thinking, reading, writing, feeling, eating, throw-up, cried, sneezed, stumbled, told jokes and laughed? Do you also believe He came to give life, true freedom and genuine love? Do you believe He suffered with us in our weakness? So much so, that we don't have to blame others? Do you believe He wants so badly your heart that he suffered? Do you believe he loves so deeply, He grieves still? The more we believe in this power... the more we are free, and grateful to be truly ourselves in Him.

"You were loved because God loves, period. God loved you, and everyone, not because you believed in certain things, but because you were a mess, and lonely, and His or Her child. God loved you no matter how crazy you felt on the inside, no matter what a fake you were; always, even in your current condition, even before coffee. God loves you crazily, like I love you...like a slightly overweight auntie, who sees only your marvelousness and need."

I don't ever want to find myself in a place where I'm in a nursing home at a young age, blaming others. The secret to freedom and truly living in Christ is a heart of gratefulness. Out of a heart of gratitude flows the joy of life.

To steal from Anne Lamott, "Gratitude, not understanding, it's the secret to joy and equanimity".

What kind of Jesus do you believe in today? A Jesus who hears and suffers still with us, that nothing else matters? Do you believe in a Jesus of grace, grace, grace? Or, do you believe in a Jesus who demands rules, regulations and bondage? Who demands a checklist and a certain way to do things? Where do you want to be in 20 years? What choices are leading you to live a full life of love for others and complete joy in today? What choices are you making towards community, life and freedom? When your life is over, can you honestly say you were free? Be IN-COURAGED!!